The Decision

I never thought my life would lead me to where I am right now: alone, living with my parents, a single mother to 3 children, and pregnant. Having one child wasn't part of what I had planned for my life let alone 4. I got pregnant when I was 17 and because I was at a place in my life where I felt so alone and unloved I decided that having an abortion wasn't an option and adoption never even crossed my mind. Had I placed my son for adoption my mother in her drug addicted state of mind and her back woods inbred boyfriend probably would have taken whatever money I received from the adoption and bought meth or something. But that is a story for another day.

When I found out I was pregnant with the baby I am now carrying all I could think was NOT AGAIN! I was in a serious relationship and we were living together. We had used protection every time I thought, there was only one incident I am unsure about and that is because I woke up with him on top of me at 4am. I remember his hands were freezing and that is what woke me up. He had 3 kids ranging from 7-15yrs old and didn't see them or pay child support on them so we had decided from the beginning we didn't want anymore children. After we had been living together for a little over a month I found out I was pregnant and while I felt depressed and the weight of the world on my shoulders he took great joy in calling and texting everyone that would listen. I refused to be happy or share the news with my family because they would have the same reaction I did and I knew it would cause a horrendous fight between my partner and myself. He became angrier by the day as I started to have morning sickness and lost interest in having sex with him. He refused to work and left all the bills to me to pay. When finally everything had come to a boiling point there was no going back. He hit me, tackled me, threatened me, and broke many of my belongings. Then like that he was gone. Driving off in his little POS kicking up dust in his wake. Sore, bruised, hurt, and angry I picked up the phone and called the one person I thought might help me. My ex's best friend Mr. A we shall call him. Mr. A came to my home and helped me gather a few of my clothes and took me to his home to regroup and straighten my thoughts. I decided that night I would never again see my ex and I would do what was best for this baby. I was going to place it for adoption.